Everyone has different boundaries for what is acceptable. I am always surprised that couples never discuss what they think is boundary crossing until there is a problem. One person thinks sending a “kiss” emoji to an old flame is fine, but their partner sees it as “leaving the door open” or not fully committed.
Issues of trust are often at the heart of the problem. I find that especially for women – who have been conditioned for years to compare themselves – having a partner show an interest in the sexualized and ragged photos of others can make them feel “left out”. ” and highlight insecurities.
Advice
Open up a discussion about where your boundaries lie. You are both in the relationship, so boundaries must be agreed upon together – before a problem arises. Often, the accused person becomes defensive and mocks the victim for being humble, which is not fair; it’s important to be honest and feel heard if you’re not happy with something. The other person may disagree, but your voice matters. If you are hurt, you should be able to express it without being made to feel stupid.
However, be careful of becoming controlling. You can say, for example, you don’t like them watching porn sometimes, but you can’t RELATED they stop.
A relationship
This is why many couples go to therapy. One in five people in the UK admit to having committed adultery, (and probably more actually do). People change over time and so do their needs and wants, that’s human nature. Often a third party meets a person’s needs in a different way, and it’s more about how they make the adulterer feel. themselves that’s the intoxicating thing. In fact, it’s rarely about sex, although the injured party naturally assumes it’s lacking in some way. Rarely is a marriage completely happy when the flames begin, and often in therapy the “damaged partner” can see how their behavior may have played a role as well.
Advice
Once you face the guilt, honest conversations are needed to find a way to create a new relationship together that is mutually fulfilling.
The injured party can ask for information, but stick to the facts: who it happened to and how long it went on. Never go into details such as sexual positions or places you have visited as this will cause more pain. If two people are both really determined to get their marriage back on track, I’d say it can work three out of four times.
Serious illness
We vow to stand with them “in sickness and in health.” Queen Camilla is undoubtedly a rock for the King as he recovers from cancer, but when one person is seriously ill – whether from illness, surgery or a life-changing accident – relationships can suffer.
And sex is the first thing to do. It’s normal to go through periods in a marriage where you’re not having sex. New couples should understand that it is normal for things to change from the beginning. What’s more important is finding other ways to connect and be emotionally there for each other.
I have worked with post-mastectomy women who feel extremely unattractive and with men who have had injuries leaving them with erectile problems. Illness not only makes you tired, but it can destroy your self-esteem, which naturally affects your desire.
A woman I met was feeling guilty that she wasn’t in the mood for sex because she was suffering from a severe bowel disease, so she stopped kissing her husband for fear that he would show that she was ready for sex when she really wasn’t. . He, meanwhile, simply felt shut out and rejected. They only opened up about it in therapy, but it had driven a wedge between them for months.
Advice
The main thing is to talk about it. Don’t sweep your lack of sex under the rug—accept it. Say, “I know being erotic isn’t how we feel right now when we’re dealing with so much, but know that I love you and still want you.”
Try to find the level of physical contact you feel comfortable with, whether it’s a hug, a hand hold or just a stroke of the hair. Hanging on to those little acts of love will make it less of a steep hill to climb when you might be able to get intimate. By avoiding something like touch, anxiety issues can arise making it harder to bring things back.
Money matters
Some of the hottest lines in the therapy room involve finances. I have seen hell hath no fury like a woman who has discovered that her partner spent their money on sex workers. A physical fight almost broke out in my clinic once, but this scenario is not uncommon. I have also seen marriages destroyed by gambling addiction. However, these are dramatic cases where money is the tip of the iceberg for bigger problems that require specific work by both people, especially the “guilty” person.
Often couples break up because spending habits just don’t match.
Money is not straightforward and our attitudes towards it are shaped by our parents (whether we follow them or rebel against them). It means different things to different people, from security to freedom to power.
